It's been awhile

This day and this image reminds me of sitting on the boat feeling the breeze, breathing in the mountain air and worrying about nothing. I found a place of perfect peace in the mountains of California. This place, however was fleeting, a week later we are back home with all of the same worries and problems that I was trying to forget in the mountains, so began my search and so came my answer.





I have for a great deal of my life labeled myself a Christian, however a few years ago I became tired of the label and the work it entailed so I dropped it. With that I dropped a hedge of faith, love and protection from a higher place that can not be explained in words. I found I could be happy, but joy was not to be obtained. I learned the world is not as evil as I always thought and believe it or not there are non-Christians that are much more well rounded than Christians. However, in my heart the joy that disappeared was missed, maybe not all the time, but still missed. I started searching, unknowingly, through the confines of my heart to find peace and joy but it just wouldn't come.





I took advantage of the counseling service offered at work and against my wishes ended up in the office of not only a Christian counselor, but a Christian minister. She respected my wishes to stay away from faith based search and stick with all the things wrong with me, but the more I talked I realized the only time I felt truly broken and hurting was when I spoke of my lost faith.





Alone on Christmas Eve this year I prayed for the first time, joy didn't come however, sorrow did. I then regretted my decision to pray and seek God, it hurt too much. I don't want to be raw, I want to be strong and tough, but I still yearn for that peace I heard about and at one time in my life experienced.





I'm closer, I feel it, I am raw, I am hurt, I am damaged, however, I am loved......unconditionally.





My journey to peace and joy is never going to be complete, however, I feel more at peace everyday. I am stepping out on faith again, something I haven't done in a very long time. Simple tasks that were second nature to me are now brand new. I am a new creation and I am scared and sometimes feel very alone, however, never completely alone. I suddenly feel the pain of suppressed memories and heartaches, but it is the kind of pain I know is necessary to be at peace and know joy.





I want to find my place with God, as a new person and a new creation. I am not saying I have cornered the market on who God is or that I am the expert, I am only saying this is what I know to be true.





My hearts cry is to know joy and peace and through this I am continually reminded of Isaiah 41:10"Fear thou not for I am with thee, be not dismayed for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee yea I will help thee, yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

Sydney made Italian bread for dinner last night. Silly girl probably had more on her clothing and face than in the pan. This is an easy recipe and perfect for any meal. Unfortunately we have been making it for so many years, I do not know exact measurements. Growing up I remember asking grandma how much to put in to different recipes and she never quite knew, she would say you can feel it in your hands when the bread has enough flour. I understand now, but also realize how frustrating it is trying to get the recipe out to others. However, here is an attempt to pass on the ingredients.

Italian Bread:

2 1/4 C water warmed up with 2 T vegetable oil

In a separate bowl mix:

3 C flour

1/4 C sugar

2 T Italian seasoning

1 T oregano

2 T yeast

Mix together and then add wet ingredients with a wooden spoon

add more flour 1/4 C at a time until too thick to mix with spoon

roll out onto floured surface and knead in flour. Should take about 7 C of flour

Knead until smooth and when pushed in bounces back

place dough into grased bowl and cover in warm place until double in size

After double, punch down and let set for 5 minutes split in two and form into Italian bread. Use knife and make slices down the center of the bread. Cover and let rise again.

Bake until golden brown in 325 degree oven.

Breakfast

Today's breakfast was Blueberry Sweet Bread:

For the bread:

2 C Warm milk

3 C flour

2 T yeast

1 t sugar

Disolve yeast ibn 1/4 C water till foamy, beat flour and milk until smooth. Add yeast and let rise.

In a seperate bowl:

1 t salt

1/2 C honey or agave nectar

6 T butter

Mix ingredients

After flour mixture is doubled, mix both and add 3 1/2 C flour

knead and let rise

For the filling:

8 oz cream cheese

2 T butter

1/4 C agave nectar or honey

1/8 t salt

1 t vanilla

3 T flour

egg

1/2 C rasberry jam or bluberries mixed with a litttle flour to thicken

1/4 C white sugar

beat cream cheese, butter, nectar, salt and vanilla

deflate the dough and divide in half. Roll into a rectangle and spread the jam and filling over the inside leaving several inches on each side. Cut the sides into strips and braid over the filling. Cover the braids and let rise 30-45 minutes. Brush with egg wixed with 1 T water

sprinkle with sugar

bake 350 degrees for 32-36 minutes. Let cool 15 minutes and enjoy!

I haven't made this in years and had a fruit craving the other night. If I remember it is a Pampered Chef recipe....so I don't want to stake claim on it. It is yummy....try it!

Fruit Pizza

I use Pillsbury sugar cookie and spread it over a round stone and bake. Let the big cookie cool and spread a mixture of 1 pkg of cream cheese mixed with about 1/4 cup of sugar and little milk to help it spread. Cut fruit and cover....we love grapes, kiwi, strawberry and banana.

YUM!!!

New year, new hope, new goals. Happy 2010, wow is it really here already? Amazing how I try to look forward with the dawning of a new year, but can only look back and think on where I have been. I chose the picture of my grandmothers sewing machine because it is a reminder of my childhood. I grew up next door to grandma and spent most days running home from the bus to homemade breads and fresh fruits. I was blessed to have Grandma live with me the last 6 months of her time on earth and this precious time will always be in my heart.

Here we are now, and I need to look forward to what the new year has to hold. My goal? I plan to take each day as a joyous adventure of loving my family and serving my precious Savior. I am trying ( not always with so much success) to keep my heart in the right place and not allow the stress to overtake me.

So, as I attempt to get some sleep tonight before the chiming of the bells at 5:00AM tomorrow I will clear my mind of all of the thoughts attempting to overtake me. I will focus on the love I am so blessed to experience in my home and in my heart. Sweet dreams and happy memory making this year to all!

The First Sunday of Advent was yesterday. The evening service was beautiful with the hanging of the greens and the lighting of the first candle. The candle represents hope. The hope Jesus Christ brought to earth. What a precious time of reflection and worship.

I was discussing Christmas with Em recently and she suggested 3 gifts for each of us (as Jesus received 3 gifts) and then pick up a star at the bank for the elderly in the community or a doll for the children. How wonderful is that??!! I am blessed beyond measure! So, this year the tradition starts of 3 gifts for Christmas!